Building Removed “The Long Ending”
THE FOLLOWING WAS RECORDED ON APRIL 30th OF 2022.
“I have been waiting. Waiting for so so long now.
I can barely make out the wood underneath me. I went to the burnt down farmhouse. I had to go somewhere. My flesh is so red and inflamed. My toes are blackened. I can't remember the last time I ate, not that I have much of an appetite.
What would be the point?
I close my eyes, and I feel them, with their gritty texture. But closing my eyes doesn't make it any better...
I want to see.
But I can barely see my hands, see my feet.
Maybe I was wrong to pick this spot. Maybe you came back to the grave, but you didn't find me there. Maybe the moment has already passed and I won't...I won't...
See you...
I can't.
I can't say it.
Please...
I-
I can't.
It hurts just to breathe, just to keep my eyes open. It hurts to keep my eyes closed.
It hurts.
This feeling...
I was saving the recorder. I didn't want it to run out of tape or for it to die before you came, but right now I need it. This gift you gave me with the intention of us using it once we met...it was a gift, so I can use it for something else right? Or...maybe I shouldn't have.
You waited for me.
I wait for you.
And right now it feels like so much more than I can bear. Because I have been waiting for weeks and you are not here. I know you are still alive. I know you are, because I had a vision of you and me meeting. A feeling, but right now it is too dark for me to see you, and so all I can do it sit and wait and listen for your voice.
The sound of your wonderful voice.
I remember when I got the recorder. There were two tapes. One was for when we met, and the other was so I could hear your voice. And I have played that tape so many times over the years, and I can't find it...I tried to find it but it was lost, and in the end it doesn't matter. It wasn't your real voice.
I miss you so much.
I am so...
no.
...no.
I am...
So tired.
So so tired...
No.
I...
….
…
I feel you...
I thought you would never come, but I can feel...I can't see you.
Where are you? Your eyes...where is your face...I know...I need to see your face...
Eyes.
Eyes.
Your eyes are like stars...
Oh love I am so...sorry...
So sorry. I am so very very sorry I waited to tell...You...
Forgive.
Me...
[crying]
[crumpling]
I missed you.
I missed you...and I can feel...
You are so warm.
…
…
Heaven.
I'm in heaven.
…
…
And it feels like I am about to...
...
And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak.
And I seem to find the happiness I seek,
When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek.
…
…
Couldn't see me...
When it is so dark...
Stars are gone. Sun is gone. A void. An absence. A missing tone, scratching in my ears like statics and clawing, screaming voices...waiting for the end.
For the end.
…
…
[crying] I missed you so much...so long I waited for you...find me...please find me...waited. But I couldn't...too long. Hurt too much. I love you...and I...I wanted...waited.
Am I
Pretty?
…
Yes...Oh god yes. My love. My starlight. Your eyes. I can feel. Feel the warmth behind those eyes. I want...please hold me...Please hold me...
…
[shifting]
That's...nice...
I feel so warm.
You are so warm.
No.
Not me. Cold. I am cold. Cold as the night...cold...empty...cold...so empty...but you. Feel you. Need you. I need you.needyouneedyouneedyouneedyou.I love you.
You...
You are not out. You are not out. You...
You
need to come out of that shell...
…
My rogue planet...my growing ground...my sinking, shivering, sundered abyss...
I want to see you. Before the end...before it is over...
Before it is too late. Please...it's not too latetoolatetoolate...
I love the dark...the feel of rain...damp cold, sitting upon my skin...love it...love it...love the dark...
I love you...
My light...
Be my light...
All I see is dark...
…
…
I'll help...
…
[leave the skin behind]
...
[screams of anguish]
[screams of pain]
[scream]
[scream for me]
[scream]
[heaven]
[yourmyheaven]
…
…
…
And I feel like I'm about to speak...
And I feel that fire resting against your cheek...
I am so warm now. So very very warm.
I don't-I don't feel very tired anymore.
…
How could I sleep when it is so bright?
…
It hurts when I breathe...no...no...it hurts...it hurts...please...
I am here love. You are safe. You are loved. Shine for me. You shine so bright.
...Please....fuck...I'm...it...It...please....don't stop...pleases don't...stop...the burning...it's burning...it's...burning...my skin...is bruising...burning. So hot...firefirefirefire...skin...burns. blistering...peeling...so much heat...oh....please...don't
Stop.
No...
No...
No. There is no pain. There once was pain. My lungs are...on fire...I am on fire...I am on fire...the fire...the fire...it's inside...outside...skin...not my skin...my skin...its skin...Its skin...Its skin...My skin...Its skin...
Heaven...I am...burning...burning.
I am burning...
Burning
Burning
BurningBurningBurning
Yes...it is hard...It is hard...to close my eyes.
Can't shut my eyes...eyes...no eyelids...no eyelids...
I don't need eyelids...
I don't need eyes to see...
I smell the smell of batteries...of acid burns...of chemicals and reactions and breaking, filling things that creep into spaces where none used to be....fire...
I am fire.
I am on...
Fire.
I am burning...
I am burning...
I glow...
I am glowing...
I am glowing...
I am glowing...
…
…
I glow.
I am...
...
The Glow...
…
…
…
I love you
I love you too
Stay with me
Always
…
…
…
THE REMAINDER OF THE TAPE WAS BURNING
WAS BURNED
DOESN'T EXIST
ANY SIMILARITIES TO PERSONS OR EVENTS ARE
TO BE REPORTED TO A REPRESETATIVE OF THE
WELLINGTON STREET HISTORICAL COLLECTIVE
